Heaven and earth

I’ve heard personal experiences of others and always made it out to be dramatic emotional banter. Like those sappy movies where a girl meets a guy on vacation and 3 days into it they are madly in love, head over heels , ready to move heaven and earth because nothing else matters.

I never buy those kinds of books, i never watch those kind of movies. How can anyone quickly be so certain about something so subjective as love, something so dangerous with the force of a hurricane and a tsunami combined ready to sweep you away and burry your broken bones under a thousand pounds of rubble to drown you in your own tears? Are they insane?

Maybe it is because I’ve been hurt too many times that I never let anyone see Me, the vulnerable heart-in-hand Me. And yet there was something magnetic and pure about his personality that kept me engaged for hours, more than I am willing to admit. I always felt like there was something different about me, something I always have to hide or break down into digestible pieces, in the hopes of not scaring people away. I’ve been told I am too much, too complicated, too direct, too intense. On that august day you kept talking and I kept laughing and I unconsciously gave you more of me than I ever let anyone have because my experience is always considered baggage. But somehow I felt elevated, understood, safe. It was as if I took off all my layers of protection and the inner Me, the heart-in-hand Me stood there naked and something in your inner self recognized something in me.

And now I’m revising my opinions, I’m containing my many fears. I’ve come to the realization that certainty is scary, perhaps terrifying. I heard your voice, your challenges, your laughter, and I knew. I must be as insane as the people in the movies because after that one day I knew I would move heaven and earth to make you the happiest person to ever have walked this planet.